Busy Week of Recovery

While everyone was settled into their post-holiday work routines, I had another week of taking it easy but was very busy with doctor appointments.  On Monday I went to see my plastic surgeon who said that my incisions were healing nicely but I still needed to be careful about too much movement, lifting, etc. He did give me the green light to start chemotherapy on January 20th, as I had originally planned.  On Tuesday, I had a follow-up appointment with my surgical oncologist who basically said that I needed to see him in 6 months.  I don't think I'll have much follow-up with him thereafter (no breast tissue remaining), which means I also get out of ever having to do a mammogram again (hallelujah!).  For those who haven't had a mammogram, yes they are uncomfortable but for me they cause a lot of anxiety.  That afternoon I passed the MUGA heart test, which was to just confirm that my heart was strong enough for the chemotherapy.

I've been having a lot of anxiety of reoccurance so I went to see a psychologist and psychiatrist that work specifically with Northwestern's cancer patients.  As I've learned more about my disease and compare it to what my mother had, I can't help but to think that I will have a similar outcome.  These are very grim thoughts and I know I need help getting past this.  I unfortunately have a very aggressive form of breast cancer (commonly seen with the BRCA1 mutation) and the chances of it coming back are greater than many of the other bc subsets. While I have a good fighting chance it's just hard for me to feel 'rah rah' knowing that my mother was part of the group that  didn't make it. I feel better knowing that I have a supportive team of doctors that will help me work through these emotions and anxiety.

As of right now, I am scheduled to begin chemotherapy on Thursday.  As I have heard from my doctors and other cancer fighters, the first treatment is often the hardest because of the unknown.  I don't know how I'm going to feel afterwards, I don't know what I'm going to feel like eating (my taste buds will change) and I don't really know what fatigue feels like.  All of this unknown adds to the anxiety that I've been feeling.  So, please keep me in your thoughts as I head into this next week.  I hope it's not as bad as I'm expecting it to be.