What I'm grateful for today

February 25, 2003 was probably the most devastating day of my life.  It was the day my mom died.  It's hard to believe that it's been 8 years since I've heard my mom's voice, laugh or gotten a hug from her.  She was my best friend and I still miss her to this day.  I know the normal succession in life is to have your parents die before you but at 24 years old, I was not ready; my mom was not ready to go either.

In years past, the entire month of February has been a very somber one for me.  I'd like to blame the grey skies of Chicago but I know deep down that it's because February 25th is approaching.  This year has been very different.  Some may imagine that this year would be even harder than in the past but that has not been the case.  With everything else on my plate right now, February 25th honestly snuck up on me.  And I'm not as sad as I've been in the past.  Perhaps this is strange, but I'm feeling hopeful and grateful today.   In general, losing my mom made me a stronger person.  But if I had not lost my mom to this disease, I don't know if I would have been as aggressive as I have.  My mom fought until the very end (she had chemo scheduled the day she died), which not only gives me the strength to endure what I am now facing but I think it has made me even more courageous.  Of course I am sad to have lost my mom, but I am thankful that I share the same determination that she did.    

My new 'do

Today was the ceremonious head shaving.  I was ready for it -- my hair was coming out like crazy and my scalp was tender.  I guess that my hair falling out is a sign that the chemotherapy is working.    I had three very supportive friends with me to witness my transition to the new 'do.  Thank you Katie, Sara and Molly for coming along!

Molly, Katie and Sara were sporting their Flashy Trash wigs in support of my transition

I didn't cry because it was such a relief to be in control and get rid of my hair.   And honesty, how could I cry when I had friends sporting tinsel wigs themselves?  (I almost cried laughing so hard though.)  The ladies at the wig shop called us 'the fun group,' which was quite accurate.  

My new 'do! 

This is my fave pic of the day --
I laughed a lot on a day that may have otherwise been very tough.
Not with these  girls...

A run in my honor

One of my sorority sisters, Carly, is going to be running the Country Music half marathon on April 30th to raise money for Gilda's Club of Nashville.  Gilda's Club is an awesome organization that provides cancer support to everyone touched by cancer (women, men, caregivers, children, etc.).  I have been to the Gilda's Club in Chicago, which is where I met many young women with breast cancer so I am a big supporter of this organization.
 
Carly is going to be running the half marathon in my honor.  If you would like to make a donation to her 13.1 run, go to http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/carly-houston/gildas-gang-2011.

Thank you Carly for dedicating your run to me!

25% complete with chemo

I had my second treatment today, which means I'm a quarter of the way done with chemotherapy. Whoo hoo!









Unfortunately, my hair is beginning to fall out (as I have been expecting it to). I have been pretty bummed out by this but it was helpful to have my friend Katie there to keep my spirits up. She even wore a scarf to be supportive of my soon-to-be hair style. (Thanks Katie! You are a great chemo companion!)




I was also happy to have Bonnie stop by because she literally just went through hair loss (but you would have no idea by how good she looks). I hope I look as good as she does once I get my wig.

The ceremonious hair shaving will be on Monday. In a strange way, I just want to get it over with. It's really hard to see your hair fall out. I know it will grow back but that seems so far away. It will probably take two years to have anything close to what I have now and that feels like an eternity right now. As with all the other changes in my life, I hope that I will adjust to this too. I'm sure I will....

Overall, treatment went pretty well. I'm just planning to take it easy this weekend. It's super warm in Chicago so I hope to get out for a walk and enjoy the weather while I'm feeling good.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Happy Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day, which I believe is a made up holiday but in the spirit of things, I wanted to do a little shout-out to my favorite Valentine's.  

To my family: I know it's not easy to see me go through this so thank you for being strong.  Not everyone is lucky enough to have family that will be there at a drop of a hat (even though you live far in the country, ha ha).  Thank you for all of your prayers and for supporting my every decision.  

To the Goldman Family: I have always considered you to be a part of my family and am so blessed that I have you in my life. Thank you for being there every step of the way for me.  A & D, thanks for listening to me ramble on and on about stupid cancer.  Our conversations have been hugely helpful in putting my mind at ease.  Sometimes I just need to get those feelings out so I can move on, so thank you for being on the listening end of things.    

To my college girlfriends (Karin, even though we didn't go to college together, I consider you part of this group): Katie, I know you hate this song but this is where the Golden Girls theme song "Thank you for being a friend" would begin.  You girls are my rock and I don't know what I would do without you.  I felt like my life was a roller coaster after my diagnosis and you were there for me when I was too afraid to tell anyone else.  You are an amazing group of women and I am so grateful for our friendship.  

To the past and present NPD girls: I'm so glad that we have remained close after all these years. Who knew that sorority row would stick together as long as we have?   Thank you for listening to me vent, allowing me to cry and helping me to laugh again.  Sometimes a girl just needs a little comic relief and you are not only able to deliver on that but I would also say you over index. Let me know if you need me to create a chart with PCYAs to prove it. :) 

To my family at H&P: I am so fortunate to work with such compassionate and caring people.  You have probably seen me cry the most out of anyone and were not shy about running to my side.  I needed that and thank you for being there.  

To the McCormick Family: We unfortunately have both seen the craptastic things that cancer can do to people but yet you help me be optimistic through this.  And you cook me delicious meals and send me fun notes before chemo (which actually make me look forward to my chemo days).  I love you guys.

To Bonnie: Even though we just met, it brings me such comfort to have someone like you to go through this with.  I look forward to being on the other side of things and celebrating our health together.    

To anyone I have not mentioned but are reading now: I love you too.  Thank you for reading my blog, for your prayers, notes, and support.  I feel like I am surrounded by an army of supporters and it makes me feel incredibly powerful (so powerful that I can kick cancer's ass).      

Busy but good week

It's been a busy week for me....I ventured back to work on Tuesday after finally getting some sleep on Monday night.  After work I made it to my first Young Survival Coalition meeting. This is an organization that is dedicated to supporting breast cancer survivors that were diagnosed in their 20's and 30's.  Basically people just like me!  In a way it is sad to be in a room full of women just like me but it validated a lot of the feelings I have been having and it was comforting to be around women that speak my crazy cancer language.  (Do you think 'cancer' can be considered a foreign language?) There were women of all diagnosis and survivorship stages.  I exchanged information with one person who was diagnosed two weeks after I was and is one week ahead of me in chemo.  I now consider her my cancer BFF (but I haven't told her this yet).  She and I are both triple negative breast cancer, BRCA1 mutation positive and doing the same chemo regimen (4 rounds A+C and 4 rounds Taxol).  And for those of you that don't know what I just said, that's exactly what I mean by speaking my language.  :) Needless to say, she and I  have a lot in common.

Tonight, I went to the American Cancer Society's Look Good Feel Better program that's supposed to help teach about how makeup can help with the loss of eyelashes, eyebrows and skin changes.  It was nice because I got some swag but I didn't learn a ton about makeup (apparently the program isn't designed for girls that would travel with a Caboodles full of makeup at 12 years old).  The best part about it was that my cancer BFF was there too! She was having an awful day and told me that she was relieved that I was there.  I was happy to see a familiar face, myself.

I've got a follow-up appointment with my oncologist tomorrow. I think she just wants to see how my first round of treatment went.  I am feeling good -- pretty much like my normal self, so I hope that is the case in between each treatment.

Signing off to count some sheep.... Stay warm everyone! xoxo

Drain Free!

Drain #4 and I just parted ways. I can't say either of us were too upset by this but we ended things as best as we could.

I was, however, a little sad to say good-bye (for now) to the staff at Dr. G's office. I won't be seeing them until after I'm done with radiation. :( While I am sad about that, I will am celebrate being drain free! At least I will have reconstruction to look forward to.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I think I can handle this...

I can now say with confidence that the anxiety before chemotherapy is far worse than the actual side effects.  Disclosure -- I can only say this for my regimen.  I'm sure there are others may not be as 'easy'. And honestly who knows how it will go with the treatments compounding.  But for now, nausea is very well controlled with a number of different drugs;  the only downfall is that they are mostly steroid based which does not help me sleep at night.  Despite being on some sleepy-time drugs, I was up from 3-5 a.m. and 3-6 a.m. the last two nights.  While I was able to get a full 5 or 6 hours of sleep, that is just not enough for me so I'm sure that doesn't help with the fatigue I was feeling yesterday or today.  So, I've just been listening to my body and taking it really easy (and napping when needed).

My hair will start to fall out with the next treatment and I'm sure that will be hard for me but I have a great wig and some cute hats to accompany my bald head.  I expect to look a little like this again....

Aliza and I are the same exact age here (actually, I am  a month older).
She is on the left with a full head of hair & I am bald.
I guess I've been preparing my whole life for this.  Haha.  At least it will grow back!  

Speaking of Aliza, I had an AMAZING weekend with her.  We didn't do very much but it was so comforting to have her here for my first treatment.  Thank you again for making the schlep from Boston, A.  Love ya!

Drain #4 and I are getting ready to part ways.  Output has slowed down considerably, which is fantastic.  We are beginning to say our good-byes.  I have an appointment on Wednesday to have it removed.  I can't wait!

Meme's Chicken & Dumplings

The finished product

This is a total comfort food for me. Whenever I would visit my grandma (Meme), she would have a pot of chicken and dumplings on the stove for me. And, whenever I was sick, this is what my mom would make for me. The dumplings are a little easier to make because they are drop dumplings (requires no dough rolling like the Art Smith ones). Try out both recipes and let me know which ones you like best!

Stock:

• one 3 to 3.5 lb chicken, cut into 8 pieces
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 celery ribs, chopped
• 4 carrots, sliced into rounds (I like carrots in my soup)
• 2 1/2 quarts water
• 2 - 3 bay leaves 
• salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Dumplings:

• 2 cups of flour
• 1/2 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 2 beaten eggs
• milk to moisten the dough (I estimate we used about 3/4 - 1 cup of milk; will all depend on how dry your flour is)

Saute onion, celery and carrots in dutch oven until softened. Add chicken, water 1/2 tsp. salt, 1/4 tsp pepper. Bring to boil over high heat, skimming off any foam that rises to the surface. Reduce heat to low and cover tightly. Simmer, occasionally skimming broth, until chicken is tender, about 50 minutes.

Using tongs, transfer chicken to platter (keep the broth and veg simmering) and allow chicken to cool until it's easy to handle. Discard skin and bones and cut meat into bite sized pieces.

Increase the heat of the stock and vegetables until it reaches a boil. Mix the ingredients together for the dumplings. The dough will be moist and think. Use two spoons to drop the dumplings into the stock mixture, making the dumplings about the size of a tablespoon (they will get larger in the broth). Cook for 20 minutes with the pot half covered. Stir the chicken back into the pot, add fresh parsley and allow to simmer for 5 minutes. Then, enjoy!

My Meme's Chicken & Dumplings

I'm either a 3rd or 4th generation chicken & dumpling maker. This is what my Meme's dumplings would look like (they are drop dumplings instead of rolled).

Dumplings are cooking! 

I'm using the same stock recipe as the Art Smith one I posted earlier and will post the dumpling recipe later.

I feel like I have my mom and Meme in the kitchen with me. It smells so wonderful! Can't wait to eat! Bon Appetit to Aliza, Katie and I!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

So far -- kicking chemo's ass

I may be speaking a little too soon but so far I'm feeling pretty normal.  Yesterday I was feeling a little hyped up from the steroids they gave me to help keep the nausea at bay.  Consequently it gave me a little insomnia last night, but what else is new?

I went back to the oncologist's office this morning to get a shot that will help to keep my my white blood cell counts up.  Hopefully that additional precaution will help me to maintain a strong immune system and keep me on my planned chemo schedule.

Now, what blog post would be complete without an update on #4?  I'm happy to report that my drainage was under 50 cc's yesterday (the first time it had been under 65 cc's in 6 days).  And I'm seeing signs that drainage is continuing to slow.  So, great news on the drain-front.  I hope that I will be able to have this drain removed next week.  (Keep prayers coming for that though.)

One down, seven to go

I was finally approved for chemo and got started. I'm sitting in the chair now just chillin'. The nurses here have been very nice and I've got lots of reading material (NYT if I want to look smart and People to catch up on the latest celebrity gossip.)





Two of my biggest fans are here with me, Dad & Aunt Barb.




While I know the chemo will make me feel a little under the weather and make me bald and lord knows what other side effects, here's a reminder that this is actually helping me...




Thanks for all your prayers and support. I'm very happy to report that I've finally got one under my belt.

Tomorrow is a go!

Neither snow nor drainage is going to stop me from getting chemotherapy tomorrow! I ventured into the blizzard today and saw Dr. G. I have his seal of approval as well as Regina's (my oncologist) to begin treatment.

Speaking of the blizzard, here are some pics of my adventures outside.

Snow bank by the bus stop...








A very quiet Michigan Avenue...








My street (which doesn't actually look so bad but this was before it started snowing again)...








Please pray that my draining stops and the side effects of chemo aren't as bad as I'm expecting them to be. Also pray that my cousin, Aliza, is able to make it in from Boston tomorrow. She's making a special trip this weekend to help me out and I really want to see her.

Be safe and stay warm in this crazy weather!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Blanket Ladies

I received a very warm (literally) and thoughtful gift when I arrived in the office on Monday. My colleague's mom works at a senior center in Northfield and there are a group of women, The Blanket Ladies, that make blankets for patients undergoing chemotherapy.  I was so touched!  And what perfect timing when I'm heading into chemo right after Chicago's snowpocalypse! Thanks Blanket Ladies for your kindness! 

There was just a lovely article in the Chicago Sun-Times about The Blanket Ladies. (Click here to read more about them.) 

Stay warm and safe everyone!